


Purrsnickety

by aliatori



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, M/M, egregious use of cat puns, t-rated chu shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-17
Updated: 2018-06-17
Packaged: 2019-05-24 14:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14956106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliatori/pseuds/aliatori
Summary: Ardyn and Gilgamesh visit a cat café.





	Purrsnickety

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sordes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sordes/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy, sordes. <3 Please accept my apologies that my first Gilgardyn contribution is so darn silly.

“I have a suggestion for our next date night.”

Ardyn watches as Gilgamesh sets down his chopsticks and studies him from across the table. He lifts one bold eyebrow as he takes a pull from his beer, considering. The low hum of conversation throughout the diner fills the silence for a few moments before he speaks.

“It’s not like you to, uh… give me a lead up beforehand. You’re not thinking of another winery tour, are you? Pretty sure both of our pictures are stapled in a back room somewhere after the last one.”

A flush heats the back of Ardyn’s neck at the memory, but his pride won’t allow him to admit disgrace. Still, he nudges his rice around in a circle at the bottom of his bowl, avoiding Gilgamesh’s knowing smirk. “Surely it wasn’t all _that_ bad.”

“It wasn’t official ban worthy, sure, but you did sort of hold an impromptu, in depth lecture on how they could improve their fermentation methods.”

Ardyn’s lips curl into a grin despite a lingering tinge of embarrassment at the memory. “Well, you didn’t exactly stop me, if memory serves correct.”

“Why would I? It was the highlight of the tour if you ask me. All in the name of new experiences, right?” Gilgamesh chuckles and takes another swig of his drink before returning his attention to Ardyn. “So, anyway, what’s the date idea?”

There’s no sensible reason for Ardyn’s hesitation. The worst outcome will be that Gilgamesh says no—and Gilgamesh has a congenial way of saying no that takes all the sting out of it, so really, the worst outcome isn’t even an issue. Ardyn also doesn’t consider himself a shy person, but he feels shy about this, as though there’s some judgment waiting for proposing such a silly, frivolous activity as an honest-to-God date—though Gilgamesh has never once made him feel judged.

“A cat café.”

Gilgamesh tilts his head a fraction. “Come again?”

He can sense that additional explanation will be required. Ardyn shifts in the booth of the diner to retrieve his phone, tapping the screen a few times until the café’s website is displayed. He slides it across the table to Gilgamesh.

“It’s exactly as it sounds, I’m afraid. A café with cats. Their food and drink menu seems rather appealing, and the reviews are positive, by and large. Oh, and it’s within walking distance of my apartment, which makes the location convenient as well.” Ardyn falls silent for a handful of seconds as Gilgamesh continues to tap and scroll, presumably navigating the website. “Some of the cats are up for adoption, but some of them are permanent residents of the café. You can see them if you select…” Ardyn leans over the table and points vaguely to the top of the website, “this dropdown menu.”

Gilgamesh chuckles and follows Ardyn’s instructions. His rich amber eyes flick back and forth across the screen as he reads the blurbs that accompany each photograph. “These are some interesting name choices. Ser Pounce a Lot? Gigabyte?” Gilgamesh laughs in earnest when he reaches one entry in particular. “ _Octopuss?_ ”

“I didn’t select the names.” Ardyn resigns himself to his idea being discarded and having to return to the drawing board. “I thought it might be a fun change of pace, but we certainly don’t have to go.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t knockin’ the idea. I just…” Gilgamesh waves a hand through the air as he searches for the right word, “what would we do there?”

“The same thing you’d do at any other café, except with cats?”

Some unidentifiable expression crosses Gilgamesh’s face; Ardyn might label it as a misgiving on his part, but it passes too quickly to say. Contrary to his impression, Gilgamesh lifts his eyes to meet Ardyn’s and offers the phone to him, smiling.

“The menu does look good, but all the cat puns sold me. It’s a date.”

* * *

Ardyn should _not_ be this excited or nervous about a visit to a _cat café_ of all things, yet here he is, chewing on his cuticles a few doors down from Purrsnickety—not the name he would have chosen for a business, to be sure—as he waits for Gilgamesh. He’s a grown man, for heaven’s sake. He can certainly maintain his composure for an hour, two hours at most.

There will be, Ardyn decides, absolutely _no_ usage of the high, cooing voice that sometimes slips out of him when in close proximity to cats. Not in front of Gilgamesh, anyway.

He’s early, so he lets his thoughts meander as he waits for Gilgamesh to arrive. It’s a shame Purrsnickety doesn’t have a patio, because the early summer evening is just warm enough that sitting outside would be a nice option. Of course, there’s no viable way to let all the cats outside without worrying about escapees, which defeats the point of a cat café. Ardyn laughs quietly to himself, wondering for the seven hundredth time if perhaps he should have chosen a different activity for date night.

He’s almost about to text Gilgamesh and suggest a change of plans when he sees him approaching from the direction of the closest parking lot.

Too late now.

Ardyn recognizes the tattered jeans and distressed t-shirt as one of Gilgamesh’s ‘I don’t care what happens to these clothes’ outfits. The last time he’d seen them was on a paint night they’d attended—a fun evening despite a slightly awkward gender disparity, and not just because of the wine—and Ardyn regrets wearing one of his nicer outfits. Oh well. Cat hair can be washed off of clothing.

“Hey you.” Gilgamesh gives Ardyn a warm greeting as he approaches. He winds an arm around Ardyn’s waist and pulls him in for a gentle squeeze of a hug, drops a quick kiss on the top of his head, then releases him. “Ready for a _meownificent_ evening?”

Ardyn groans. “No, no, no. Don’t tell me you’ve been preparing a list of cat puns all week. I’ll go home right now if that’s the case.”

“Don’t worry, I only have the one ready.” Gilgamesh laughs, his grin taking on a sly edge. “Though I might feel inspired soon.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Gilgamesh lowers his head to whisper next to Ardyn’s ear. “I might—you never know. I’m full of surprises.”

A moment passes where Ardyn considers scrapping the date entirely for reasons that involve him, Gilgamesh, and an entire night spent in bed. He shakes his head as he tables the notion… for now. “That you are. Shall we?” Ardyn sweeps his hand in an arc towards the café.

“After you.”

When they enter Purrsnickety, Ardyn has to bite back an entirely undignified noise of delight.

The interior matches the pictures available on the website, all pleasant pastels and clean surfaces. There wooden tables are charming—lower to the ground than Ardyn realized—with most currently occupied by patrons of the café. He had been slightly worried that the place would smell too much of _cat_ , but the only scents Ardyn picks up are those of coffee and a faint undercurrent of cleaner.

But oh, are there ever cats.

He barely registers Gilgamesh’s conversation with one of the employees regarding their seating. Ardyn does notice when Gilgamesh takes his hand, gently pulling him forward, leading them both to table; he only notices because it takes him away from a chubby orange tabby, sitting on its haunches and watching the proceedings with luminous eyes.

Ardyn’s reservations are all but gone. This had been a fantastic idea.

* * *

As soon as Gilgamesh enters the café, he knows this was a mistake.

He’s always suspected that he might be allergic to cats. In fact, he was a heartbeat away from suggesting another activity for this week’s date night at the diner, not wanting to test his theory. But Ardyn had looked and sounded so excited about the idea that Gilgamesh couldn’t bring himself to do it.

He’ll grin and bear it. Even though there’s already a telltale prickle behind his eyes and a slight pressure in his sinuses, he should be fine, so long as he maintains a safe distance from any feline companions.

It takes all of five minutes for that idea to be shot down.

Not long after he and Ardyn place their order—two cattés and a catsidillia, items that Gilgamesh struggles to say aloud with a straight face—he receives a visitor.

“Look,” Ardyn says softly, pointing to the floor beside Gilgamesh.

A beautiful, all white cat sits right beside Gilgamesh’s crossed legs. He’s not sure if it’s a boy or a girl, but it’s certainly _fluffy_ , looking more like a poofy little cloud instead of a cat. It blinks at Gilgamesh slowly and begins to purr.

Around the same time, Gilgamesh’s nose begins to itch. _Intensely._

He looks between Ardyn and the cat before attempting what he hopes is an encouraging smile. The fluff ball certainly takes it that way, because it’s climbing up on his thigh and settling into a loaf on top of it, still purring.

“She’s taken quite a liking to you,” Ardyn comments.

Gilgamesh chuckles through the unscratchable itch, an itch that’s spreading to his eyes. “Yeah, I guess she has.” He pets his newfound friend a few times while wondering if everyone is having trouble breathing, or just him. “We probably have a while until the food comes out. Why don’t you explore a bit?”

Almost as though he was waiting for permission, Ardyn stands, already scanning the room in search of cats to cuddle. Gilgamesh has long been aware of Ardyn’s love for cats, but he thinks it’s kind of endearing how Ardyn downplays it, so he’s never brought it up in conversation.

“If you’re sure you don’t mind…”

“Positive.”

Gilgamesh tries and fails three times to remove his fluffy haired companion from his leg. Each time he scoops her up and sets her on the ground, she climbs right back up, seemingly unperturbed by the disturbance. The longer she sits there, the more he _itches_ , an itch that isn’t alleviated no matter how many subtle rubs at the nose Gilgamesh attempts.

He tries to focus on anything but the stinging in his eyes. Ardyn roams around the café, but every time he approaches one of the cats, they saunter away, unconcerned with human whims. Gilgamesh feels a pang of guilt as he watches his boyfriend strikeout over and over. The guilt only intensifies when a different cat takes up residence on his _other_ leg, an orange tabby he recognizes from when they entered.

By the time Ardyn has resorted to bribery, treats in one hand and a wand with a dangling feather in the other, a third cat has joined the ones already in Gilgamesh’s lap. He actually knows this one—Octopuss, a ‘cheerful tortie’ according to the website—and sits helplessly as she prances in tiny circles before settling down, filling out the gap in his crossed legs. He’d laugh at the irony, but he’s pretty sure inhaling any amount of air right now would be dangerous.

This is torture.

His eyes are leaking involuntary tears from the itch and burn. His sinuses feel clogged with goop, the pressure building with each passing minute. Gilgamesh has to breathe through his mouth because his nose has been rendered completely useless. His only consolation is seeing Ardyn finally entice a cat, a little all-black creature, its green eyes taking up the majority of its face. It rolls and twists on the floor as Ardyn teases it with the feather toy, all quick motions and sharp claws.

Gilgamesh decides that as long as he doesn’t die from an allergic reaction, Ardyn’s smile will have made this date worth it.

Their food and drinks are delivered and sit on the table for at least ten solid minutes as Ardyn continues playing with his newfound friend. Gilgamesh doesn’t mind—or rather, he wouldn’t mind if his head didn’t feel swollen to six times its normal size. None of Gilgamesh's own feline tenants show any sign of moving. 

When Ardyn makes his way back to their table, a fourth cat is climbing up his back, a kitten by the feel of it, teeny sharp claws pricking against Gilgamesh’s skin. Ardyn gives Gilgamesh a deadpan stare.

“Really?”

Gilgamesh opens his mouth to respond and… oh _no_.

Three things happen within moments of each other: Gilgamesh succumbs to the burning itch of his allergy and lets loose a sneeze of epic proportions. The sneeze causes every one of the cats perched on his body to _scatter_ , poofy tailed, claws scrambling for purchase against the tile floor as they skitter off in every direction. This, in turn, causes all the patrons of the café to look in his direction as snot drips out of his nose and he struggles to breathe.

“I’m—” Gilgamesh begins. He has enough time to grab a napkin off the table before he’s overcome with another sneeze, tears streaming from his eyes. “I’m just gonna go outside for a few. Need some air.”

Maybe it makes him a rude boyfriend, but he doesn’t wait for Ardyn to acknowledge this before he stands and exits the café, only pausing to grab a huge handful of napkins off a counter as he leaves.

* * *

Gilgamesh spends the next half an hour alternating between two activities: clearing his sinuses of a lifetime’s worth of snot and wondering if Ardyn is upset with him, and if so, contemplating how he’s going to make amends.

He wants to go back inside, really he does, but he doesn’t think his allergies will withstand another trial by fire. At least he’s learned for sure that cats are _definitely_ the culprit. He only wishes he’d learned in a bit less public of a place.

Gilgamesh sits up straighter on his bench as Ardyn finally appears in front of the café doors. 

Holding a cat-sized box. With cat-sized breathing holes poked in it.

Ardyn’s expression can only be called sheepish as he makes his way towards Gilgamesh.

“Are you alright?” He rests his hand on one of Gilgamesh’s shoulders as he asks, and the concern in his voice alleviates Gilgamesh’s worry that he’s angry with him.

“I am now.” Gilgamesh smiles at Ardyn. It might be too much to hope that his face isn’t too swollen and disgusting, but he hopes it anyway. A high pitched, squeaky meow draws Gilgamesh’s attention back to the box. “Your friend from earlier?”

“I…” Ardyn falters a bit. “I couldn’t leave her there. We bonded. She requires a home, and I happen to be in possession of a perfectly suitable home.”

“That you do,” Gilgamesh agrees. He stands up and, overcome with affection, presses a kiss to Ardyn’s cheek. “Guess we’ll be spending a lot more time at my place going forward.”

“You don’t mind?” Ardyn asks, a tentative brightness to the question.

The box meows again, yowling and insistent, and both Gilgamesh and Ardyn begin to laugh.

“Nah. Not at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are appreciated if you enjoyed. <3
> 
> Come find me over on [Tumblr](http://aliatori.tumblr.com/) or [Twitter](https://twitter.com/AliatoriEra).


End file.
